Paradise Lost
by Bruteaous
Summary: A lighthearted pilot captivated by adventure & a young woman of poetry, science, and comprehension both joined by destiny beneath the stars. The story of Torias Dax and Nilani Kahn and the eduring saga of true love.
1. A Promise Broken

_**Paradise Lost**_

**Disclaimer:** I do not own DS9 or any of its character, although I sometimes wish I did! Please take note, this is a fan fiction. These characters were never developed thoroughly in the actual show because they served as back story to another character and were only ever mentioned in reference. So we know what happens to them in the end, but there is no telling of the tale in between and that is what I attempted to do here.

**Chapter One: A Promise Broken**

_"You think you know a story, but you only know how it ends. To get to the heart of the story you must go back to the beginning."_

_**Year 2285**_

_**Makenna Park, Trillius Prime**_

_**The Trill Homeworld**_

The sun in the Trillian sky was shrouded by great clouds. It was a cold and rainy day in the city of Trillius Prime. The drops had stopped falling, but it was misting still. People all clad in black were gathered in Makenna Park, grouped together to mourn the death of a loved one. The light blue flag of the Federation of Planets was reverently picked up by two officers in dress uniforms and folded into a three cornered triangle and the casket of the felled man was paced in its grave. The federation officers present, saluted and stood tall at attention as their captain passed by. Captain Solan, a decorated officer garbed in the red and black dress uniform, walked forward and stood before one of the mourners present.

The woman was slight of frame and her honey colored hair and pale complexion were shielded from view by a black veil that was worn over her head to accompany her black gown. The captain seemed grieved to approach her, but restrained most of what he was feeling behind a cool mask, though his words were sincere enough to convey what he wished to say and how he wanted it to be interpreted.

Captain Solan placed his hand on the slight woman's shoulder to comfort her as one silver tear left her eye and she cleared her throat to keep the tightening that was threatening her ability to speak properly away. He rubbed her shoulder gently as she tried in vain to hide her coming tears.

"Nilani." Solan began, but found that he had to clear his throat to keep the emotion there from overwhelming his voice. "I am sorry."

"Don't be…it…it wasn't your fault." Nilani wiped her green eyes free of tears and took a deep breath. "You didn't know it was going to happen like this."

Solan only nodded and stepped to stand beside her, his comforting hand never leaving her shoulder.

A federation pilot came forward in his dress uniform and stood before the group, he cleared his throat and began.

"Torias Dax was my co-pilot for many years and we have always worked together it seems. Even so, it is hard to find what words to say, because no one is ever really prepared to face an event like this when it happens." Commander Vos bowed his blonde head for one moment as he tried to stifle a silent sob and cleared his throat. "Torias was like a brother to me and I never imagined that he would not outlive me. That I would be called upon to speak at his funeral one day. You know, Torias and I met when we were children at school and since then we have been inseparable companions. He…he was the most lighthearted and kind individual that I have ever met and my…very best friend." The commander had to bend his head and wipe some emerging tears from his eyes for a moment, but continued, "You know, I was always scared when I went out to test a shuttle. Afraid that I would not return to my family or to my wife, but Torias was always there to give me the courage to go out there every time, no matter what. He always had a phrase that he would use whenever he went out. He would say, 'Life is what you make it and it is better to have lived a little, than to have never lived at all'. He believed that and he would always say it to me every time he went out on a shuttle run." He tried to maintain his voice but it was becoming strained with pent up emotion. "Torias Dax was a great man…and when judgment is passed…let no one say that he never lived, because he did…he lived life to its fullest."

The group of mourners applauded the young Commander as he stepped back and allowed another to come forward. Commander Belair, a tall, lithe form of a blonde haired Bajorian came to stand in the spot Commander Vos had vacated. His face was hard set, as an officer's should be, and stern, but the blue eyes that peaked out from the bushels if his brows were compassionate and more than a bit understanding.

"Commander Torias Dax was a friend to many…a rival to some." The last few words he mumbled under his breath and then cleared his throat louder before continuing in a steady voice. "He was a brother, a son, and a caring husband," to this he nodded towards Nilani and then returned to staring straight ahead of him, "but most of all he was a brave pilot and a courageous soul…."

Nilani remained silent as Belair continued to speak, never saying a word. She didn't know what to say. She couldn't. It was too soon. What could she say about her husband? About the carefree, happy federation pilot who had been her breath of fresh air? About the man she had and would lover her whole life? What could she say? Nothing that would befit what he was to her. There weren't enough words to describe what he meant to her. Never enough.

No pastor was present. The Trill are a scientific people, with no national religion or set system of beliefs in any afterlife or known deity. Funerals were always simple and so would this one be. Commander Belair finished his speech to a round of applause and stepped back into line. An ensign respectfully took the folded flag into his hands and walked over to where Nilani stood. She swallowed hard as every emotion within her threatened to come bursting out to the surface if she so much as attempted to move one muscle in her body. Afraid that if she took that flag he would be really dead…there would be no bringing him back. Never coming home…not anymore.

Nilani took a steadying breath and reached her trembling hands out to hold the flag as it was passed to her by the ensign. Hot tears welled up behind her eyelids, but she held fast and pushed them back. The Ensign saluted, turned on his heel, and went back to his line. Captain Solan stepped forward and cleared his throat.

"The procession is over." Solan stated what everyone else knew, but were too fearful of upsetting the balance and introducing awkwardness to act upon, "But tonight we will be hosting a wake at my house in remembrance of this brave pilot who was lost in the line of duty." He turned to his officers. "Dismissed."

The federation officers turned and marched away in two lines while the mourners filed out, each one at their own pace. The captain turned to Nilani who was doing her best to suppress the heart wrenching sobs and growing constriction in her chest.

"I am very sorry, my dear. I know how you feel. Torias was not just another one of my senior staff, he was like a son to me." Solan said again, this time embracing the slight woman in a comforting hug. "He was a brave man. A man who gave his life up to duty. A truly resilient heart."

Nilani nodded into his uniformed shoulder, "Thank you."

The captain let go of the embrace as Commander Beliar stepped up beside him. "Excuse me, sir, but the Science Council has requested your presence in confidence."

Solan faced Nilani one last time, "I must answer to the council's whim."

Nilani nodded solemnly as the captain walked away, while Belair was briefing him on what to expect in the meeting. Everyone who had been left lingering soon departed and Nilani was left alone, a stiff statue under the shade of the bare trees. Alone with her grief and without the will to hold back the tide any longer, she sank to her knees and cried, a steady torrent of quaking sobs which seemed to crash through her as if propelled by some distant storm and anguished tears which stung as if they were drops of burning venom.

It had not always been like this, no they had been happy together. They had been together for over seven years, Torias and her. Two being years of courtship and acquaintance and the other five being a time of marriage and bliss. Oh, they had their fights, arguments that mostly concerned Torias's job and the worry his wife felt for him in taking it's risks so lightly. Most of the time, it had seemed to him that she was overreacting over nothing, but on this particular occasion she had been right. The shuttle had not been ready for a full impulse test and she knew it, but all of her warnings were brushed off by him as another panic attack about nothing. But she had been right and nothing could take the sting of that righteousness away. She wished on every star in the galaxy that she had not been right, that it really was just worrying over nothing, but no; she had been right. A curse from fate, she had to be right.

She lay on her side on the ground, sobbing as the clouds over head crackled and were lit by slashes of light. She did not care that it was a violent storm. She did not care that there was a slim margin that she could be struck by lightening at any moment. If the fates were kind, that is what she would hope would happen to her. All she could hope for. She did not try to seek shelter as the rain began to pour down. She did nothing, not one thing but lay there and hope to die. Hope desperately for an absolute and merciful end…one that never came.

**Author's Note: ** Hey! I know this is sad, but it gets better! For some odd reason, I felt like I had to show Torias's funeral, though all Dax fans know how his story ends. I wanted to put my own spin on the story because it is not explained all that much in the series. I also like to work with writing the Trill, because in cannon they are a race shrouded in mystery. I mean we know more about the Romulans than we know about them! Criticisms? Hates? Likes? Tell me, "Me, Myself & I want to Know!!"


	2. The Scientist

**Chapter Two: The Scientist **

_**Year 2271**_

_**Trillius Prime, Planet Trill**_

Tenara was always such a beautiful place to visit in the spring, the most beautiful relaxation destination on the whole of the planet of Trill in Nilani's personal opinion. The blossoming greenery, budding in almost every magnificent color seemed to reinstate the beauty of the distant meadows, woods, and bubbling streams that seemed to be present so often that their sheer splendor was taken for granted by all those with the good grace to view them.

But all objects of natural beauty were overshadowed by the magnificent Tenaran Ice Cliffs. Four unmatchable mountains, each one steeped in snow and ice from their midriffs to their peaks, shrouded in a cool veil of atmospheric clouds.

The peaceful feelings propelling the day were amplified further by the calming hum of the rushing current of the River Axis. The cool waters were always welcome on hot days such as this one. Nilani and her family had made their annual journey to this lovely little region, a migration of sorts from the hustle and bustle of Trillius Prime to Tenara, a region of undisturbed wildness; tame on its own terms, but by no means dormant.

The aforementioned region would be the home of the Sone family for the next three months. Nilani Sone was laying quietly spread out along the river bank, her toes barely grazing the frivolously rushing river waters while her sister, Nirvana, older of about two years swam languidly in the shallows. Their parents were up on the hill over looking the river bank.

Nilani's father, Hilel Sone, was serving lemonade to his wife and in-laws on their patio while explaining his newest project of research at the Science Ministry as his wife, Thurayya, was engaging in pleasant conversation with her brother, Adnah. Pehr Peers, the eldest man in the group and Nilani's grandfather on her mother's side, stood raising his crystalline lemonade glass to his family. He said something that Nilani assumed was a toast, but she was too far away to hear any of the words to it so she couldn't be completely sure.

She was proud of her father, really. He had achieved great things in his lifetime up to this point and most importantly, he was living his dream. Nilani hoped one day to work for the Ministry as a scientist, but qualifications were hard to meet and even students who had spent their entire life earning top rate grades were often turned away from the Ministry at a first glance. No, you had to be more than a top rate student to even be considered for a job at the Ministry, you had to be the very best at what you did. More, almost.

The hot sun burned comfortingly overhead. Nilani closed her eyes as her head swam in a sea deeper than the darkest recess of this river, each marble current a new wave of doubt sent to assault her. It was a languid day, far to fragile, far to dear to be bothered with such trifling worries. Suddenly, cold water abruptly wet her face and she turned her head sharply in the direction of the unexpected assault.

"You're too quiet." Nirvana complained as she swiped another jet of water up towards the dock. "Why don't you come down and swim? The water is magnificent."

"I prefer to stay dry, thank you." Nilani turned away.

"Well, not much chance of that, even if you don't get in." Nirvana mumbled as she splashed another generous helping of the cool water in her sister's direction.

"Stop it!" Nilani warned narrowing her eyes dangerously.

"Or what?" Nirvana asked challengingly with playful zeal. "You'll come in and get me?"

"No, because then you would get what you want, but beware for I will do something sometime and I promise you that you will not like it." Nilani said treacherously as she laid back to relax again on the sun-heated wood of the dock.

Nirvana sighed, practically floating on the water's surface. She was bored. She loved the miracle of nature, but she had to admit…it got rather dull at times. Just at that moment of idle thought, she noticed a small fish swimming around the submerged tips of one of her toes. Nirvana tried to sit up further while floating to better see the tiny creature, but alas gravity, even in when soaked in water; was not kind. The ensuing splash where she sunk virtually into the shallow abyss frightened the brave little fish as it swam off to greater and better places.

"Am I really that revolting?" Nirvana complained of the fish and gravity both as she tread water.

"Personally." Nilani chipped in. "I think you've grown grumpy in your old age."

That was the inch of a very short fuse fizzing away! A torrent of water erupted as Nilani struggled under the onslaught. Water flew, sparkling in mid air from the bright hue of the sun and the day played on, two free spirits egging it on.

------

"We once had a student score a ninety-eight out of the one hundred points possible on the written exam and pass the skills application test with flying colors and yet they still did not make it into the Ministry." The loud, stoic voice loomed and dwelled over the heads of those sitting at the rows of computer desks lining the long white room as the tall Trill instructor in a solid grey uniform paced back and forth as he lectured. "This test is not only a test of knowledge, but of ability, versatility, and character. The ideal student is expected to pass all courses with artful precision and creative gusto. Those who make it into the Ministry must be able to demonstrate to those of us who evaluate your examinations that you have qualities which make you stand out from your classmates."

Nilani sat uncomfortably straight up in her seat. As the white haired instructor strolled past them leisurely, fixing every student in the vicinity of his path with a warning stare from his critical dark eyes. When the instructor came to her, his gaze scanned her up and down as if appraising her, but then his eyes reconnected with Nilani's own startled ones and she realized that he was mostly sizing up the competition. Indeed, Silar Polani had two children due to graduate their last year of compulsory schooling who were primed to apply for entry to the Ministry. They would be taking the exams too and, since only a small margin of those taking the tests would be accepted into the job of their choice any student who was not their friend was not their father's friend. They really were caught between a rock and a hard place.

The instructor sighed at the back of the room, having completed his journey and given each one of the students a warning glare for good measure, he threw his white gloves down on the table nearest the glass wall and cracked the stress from his neck. When he was done at least his posture seemed a little more relaxed from what it had been.

Finally, he reached up and messaged the edging headache resting atop his brows, "Class dismissed."

Chairs slide quickly across the marble floor as students hastily gathered their things and raced away. Nilani remained for only a moment, sitting at her desk and looking out of the window; her chin propped up on one head comfortably as she daydreamed. The grounds just below them were green as were the waters of the distant Treluian Sea. Nilani's entire family called this city home and aside from a few visits to her grandparents' home in Tenara, she rarely spent time outside of Trillius Prime and as such she was used to the fast pace of the city. As she lay awake in her bed enough she would often wonder how it was that no matter where she was she could never quite relax. Her mind was never clear, always focused on the responsibility and the great expectations which her father had placed on her shoulders. She was not her father's only daughter, but she was his pride and joy, his baby. As such, he has always primed her to follow in his footsteps in the scientific field. True, Nilani had always showed aptitude in the sciences, but it was never what she could see herself doing with her later life in her childhood years.

Nilani had always dreamed of more for herself. Oh, she intended to keep science as her hobby to study on the side for her own amusement, but she had always yielded herself to the dedication of her first great love: art. When she was a young girl, she would sit on the hill top in Tenara by her grandparents' house and sketch the river and trees below in various shades of green and brown drawing chalks. Over the years though, her father had discouraged it and she had given it up and turned to the sciences. Why not? It was something she liked and the one thing her father was very proud of her for so doing. They were not one of those families who had a prestigious reputation to uphold by squashing their children into jobs they do not want, quite the contrary.

Nilani's father's distaste was always subtle, hidden beneath a fake and supportive smile which his heart could not forgive and which she could not bring herself to believe. She had grown out of her artwork as most children to grow out of their fetishes and childhood loves. It was a natural process parents had just helped along a little by shooing it away quicker than it was ready to go; but her father really wasn't all that bad. In fact, he was the kindest man she had ever known. Hilel Sone had come from a family of small means and had secured a good job with the Ministry in a decade when most Ministry jobs went to those who were rich enough to bribe employment officials for them.

Even though Hilel's position as one of the Head Researchers of the institution was not thought of as one of any importance by most of the younger generation and indeed by some of his higher ups (the societal elite- the "real scientists") as well, Nilani knew what he had gone through to get the job: all of the trials and tribulations and sacrifices. It was not so much an element of reputation that he wanted his youngest to follow in his footsteps, but that of parental pride. He wanted to see her succeed and in a job which he knew was a safe and reliable one; not the unstable career of artist where many starved with only their electronic brushes and high definition canvases to comfort them through their miserable lives.

Nilani knew he wanted more for her and couldn't blame him for it. He cared and for a moment she was swept away by the fact that so many Trill adolescents had parents who didn't, had parents who valued their own self-importance and the protection of posterity over their children. Her parents cared and she was grateful for that.

Nilani became acutely alert as soon as she heard the door slide back leaving the doorway open where the white haired instructor was blocking it's path.

As she turned in her seat and saw him in the doorway frowning sternly with the ancient stress lines creasing his forehead, she blushed in admonishment of herself, "Miss Sone, we don' t have the entire afternoon."

Nilani quickly gathered her things and fled sheepishly from the room, the electronic door closing in short order behind the both of them.

* * *

_**Author's Note:**_ Hey thanks for reading. I hope you enjoyed it and make sure you drop me a line and tell me what you thought of it! R & R! Thanks! 


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